Domestic Violence

Do any of these things happen in your house?

Do any of these things happen in your family?

  • There are bad arguments or fights
  • Your mum gets sworn at or called names.
  • Your mum gets pushed, hit or kicked.
  • Furniture and other things in the house get broken or smashed.
  • Your pets get hurt.
  • You and your brothers and sisters feel scared.
  • You or your brothers and sisters get hurt.


If some or all of these kinds of things are happening in your home ypu might be living with domestic violence.

 

Feel safe at home

Domestic violence usually happens between adults who live together or are in a relationship with each other. It can also happen after they have split up. One adult (usually the man) bullies the other one (usually the woman); he might hurt her feelings, make her scared, or hit her. It is not always men who hurt women though. Sometimes women hurt men, or there can be violence between two men or two women. Sometimes other family members take part in the bullying and violence too. Domestic violence in a family can happen in any place, and at any time. Often it happens at home and sometimes other people don’t know about it.

Domestic violence can hurt children too. Often children hear or see it going on between adults in their family, and sometimes they get caught in the middle of a fight.

What is domestic violence?

Living with domestic violence in your family can make you feel:

  • sad and quiet
  • worried about your mum
  • scared
  • confused
  • tired
  • angry
  • lonely or not cared about
  • left out
  • afraid because you are getting hurt too.

How does it make you feel?
It is normal to feel these things if there is domestic violence in your family.


Here’s what some children say about domestic violence:

“It makes children feel sad and upset but they pretend that everything is ok.” (Girl, 10)

“You feel low and lonely.” (Boy, 10)

“You feel heartbroken and worried about mum getting hurt.” (Girl, 8)

“You don’t feel cared about.” (Boy, 9)

People in your family might try to keep the domestic violence a secret, and your mum might think that you don’t know it is happening. Maybe, like you, your mum is feeling upset and afraid. She is probably worried about lots of things, and she might not be able to spend a lot of time with you or look after you as much as she would like.

Remember that domestic violence is not your fault. Sometimes children feel they have to stick up for the adults  they care about. It is normal to feel like this, but you can’t change the way that adults behave. Children are NEVER to blame for domestic violence. The only person who is in the wrong is the adult who is being a bully. You, your mum and the rest of your family have the right to feel safe and happy at home.

 

What you can do:

Try to talk to your mum and tell her how you feel. This might help your mum understand how things are for you, and together you could talk about how to make things better.

  • Tell another person in your family about what is happening at home. It could be a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or even an older brother, sister or cousin.
  • If you want, you could ask them to talk to your mum for you, if you don’t feel like doing it.
  • Don’t keep it to yourself

What can you do?
Talk to an adult that you like, outside your family, about what is happening at home. This could be a teacher, a nurse or doctor, a family friend, a neighbour, or even your own friend’s mum or dad.

If the first or second person you tell can’t help,
If the first or second person you tell can’t help, keep telling people until you find someone who can help you and your family feel safe and happy. keep telling people until you find someone who can help you and your family feel safe and happy.


Here’s what other children who have lived with domestic violence have to say:

“Stay calm - you should never get involved.”
(Boy, 12)

“Tell somebody you trust.” (Girl, 8)

“Talk to your mum about your feelings – it’s not her fault.” (Boy, 10)

“Tell your mum to tell someone else – there are people who want to help.” (Boy, 11)


Some help lines:

Child Line 0800 1111 (calls to this number won’t show up on a land telephone line bill, but might on a mobile phone bill)

 National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247 (this number might show up on a telephone bill – check with the company)